There was courage, transparency. There was declaration.”

“Nothing truly beautiful ever asks for attention – it just naturally exists, as it is, in confidence and boldness. Remember this the next time you chase someone you think you love. Remember this the next time you feel as if you need to compete for the attention of someone you admire. Generationally speaking, we often feel the need to prove ourselves to the heart we regard. The most awe-inspiring person I ever had the privilege of loving planted his feet firmly in front of me and said “This is what I want.” . “

tumblr_nfqr9wy45Y1tb8vb3o1_1280

Funny thing is, over the hedge the grass is always greener.

It is not necessarily more beautiful but you think it is, a view of perspective. Because you can’t reach it. So question is, is it really beautiful or are we in love with the idea of the possibility that it could be beautiful. Reverting to thoughtcatalog quotes because there seem to be quite a number of good articles there nowadays.

 

 

Note to self: Do something about your goddamn online shopping addiction. It’s getting wayyyyy out of hand. Because if you fail at uni the least you can do is to provide for yourself.

 

Yes I am still holding the lego job. YAY ME!

 

Also my sister just told me a few days ago that I’m the kind of person that expects a lot out of myself. And also the people I hold dearly (in that sense her because I can’t control my mom and dad). And by the way she sees it, it’s really unhealthy. I feel that way too, and I feel it up close and personal. I expect her to be perfect and always, just to the image I carved out of her. And more so, for myself. The amount of expectations yield to the amount of self inflicted stress which sometimes helps, but most of the time screws me up. Mentally. I can’t tell how many times I’ve disappointed myself. And my family had to cheer me up, for disappointing not them, but myself. I know of my double standards, but I can’t seem to apply it on myself. Sometimes I get unnecessarily disappointed at my family, and they can never help it. I just felt let down and sad for a moment no one knows why, but of course now they do but it took day to day of living together for more than a decade for that mutual understanding to manifest. How am I going to pull through the society?

Have to stop thinking so much. Every term break is an evil trigger to my switch of overwhelming pessimism. What good even comes out of this. Why can’t I have a cool interest like tree climbing or something to occupy my time. Speaking of which I should join a CCA next semester.

tumblr_nc20rvQDo41qz62xqo1_r2_1280

if my mind were an abyss,

will that make those who were able to reach it a curious adventurer, or a worthy like minded spirit?

 

I think I should think less. Oh the irony in this makes me sick.

 

 

” It will happen so fast that you won’t even realize that his love was supplanting your own love for yourself. He will love you completely and you won’t understand why. You’ll ask him seriously, “Why do you love me?” And he’ll answer through a laugh, “Because I do.” And, what he won’t realize is that you’re not joking. Because you don’t understand. You don’t understand what he sees or what he feels or what he thinks when he looks at you because when you look at you, you don’t think you deserve someone to look at you so completely with such love in their eyes. He won’t realize that you want an answer, a definitive answer that will convince you, by virtue of his love, to love yourself. You will live in fear that they will stop loving you because you can’t believe they even love you in the first place. You will study your face in the mirror and you will replay conversations in your mind and you will try to find the thing that makes them love you. You will doubt their love so completely and so arduously that they will tire of your doubts and your jealousy. You will not blame them. You will pick fights with him, because the only thing you can control is how this breaks apart. What you never realized is that the reason people say you must love yourself before you love someone else is because it’s true. It’s because you could be encompassed by someone’s love and still feel unworthy of it. You could have someone waiting for you to love them but you will deny them because you do not think you are worthy of their love.

– The Thought Catalog”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s