she was like the moon, part of her was hidden away.
“Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us.
That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”
I have been thinking loads recently and it seems like it would be better, if I wrote something here, because then maybe it will feel as if the load is lifted. I don’t even know why I am such a dweller, if there is even such a word. This is like, one of those times if I ever mentioned, that I push myself into the fiery vortex of self condemnation and question myself, worry about things in life that actual, is not that all significant. It like, I do know it does not mean the end of the world, people have it worse, a lot worst. But on the flip side it feels like, I am going
‘No, I can’t live it down. Why did it happen anyway? Was it even my fault? No. Its all because of you. And you. And you.’
But I actually do know it was my fault too. I allowed it to go out of my little bubble of control, that’s kinda why I keep dwelling on it. I am like this grumpy little gnome.
It looks like its smiling LOL why.
Like this grumpy little insignificant organism, that is so set on it’s own principles and puts itself into misery for reasons unknown to others. And if the reasons were to be told, it would most probably be unreasonable. It is almost like, I deserve to feel this way because I screwed up, because I lost control over what’s happening hence it is legitimate for me to be punished, by myself. Masochist. Maybe? I don’t know. Normal people will probably live on nicely even if it still hatched in their minds. Damn I need to be less vulnerable to such effects.
Anyway school is going to start once again and I AM IN MY FINAL YEAR BITCHES! I don’t really know if I should be happy about it. But in the meantime I have to promise myself, each day is going to be fresh and no more grumpy gnome! Its a new experience coming my way yet again and so, be happier yeah? Okay.
“So why would I care whether or not he loved me when he didn’t really even know me?”
– Perks of being a Wallflower.
You know what’s the funny thing?
How I always tell others to stop thinking so much, to move on. The world is such a better place if you smile.
Fuck my double standards.