Daily ponders.

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Supposed to be doing my reflection but I can’t seem to do it. Its weird because between it and writing this post there aren’t exactly much difference, its me sitting down typing my life away and both are my thoughts. But no I like doing the same thing over and over again, here.

A thought occurred to me just now on the bus, not like I don’t have them popping out now and then but this deserves a post. I see everyone in their lives, walking. Breathing. But who’s living? Everyone walks. Everyone smiles. Everyone talks. Everyone, keeps in contact. But why? Why, or rather how, do people just decide and go “Hey, this person is going to be my friend!” ? What goes inside each mind, when someone meets another? Does it goes like BAM, and yeap they are the ones. Or more like, hmmm this person is less judgeable so I shall hang with them. Because sometimes I don’t know how people like to hang around me. I mean I don’t have a low self esteem but I know I aren’t exactly lovable. What makes you feel I am worth your thoughts and emotions? What makes everyone I like stay, even when sometimes I simply just walked away? I don’t smile a lot, neither do I talk a lot. I don’t have a wonderful personality and sometimes I am too mean. This is not going in the depressed-teen-period direction I hope, but seriously this is a glimpse of what I basically think about. Sometimes. All the time. What draws people to people?

When I see someone, unbelievable but most of the time it’s just “Oh.” inside me. No feelings, no emotions and no judgement. Seriously, I tend to judge people only the moment they start opening their mouths to talk. I think it is kinda sad that no one I ever saw gave me more than a “Oh.” Wonderful people are everywhere but I never got the BAM feeling I thought people will get as I mentioned above. I like a lot of people. I like them and that’s why I call them my friends. Do you? People always ask me if I like anyone but they never liked my answer. You mean you don’t like your friends? How can the ‘like’ differs between friends? Certainly some you would share anything with but that’s the closeness we share but the moment you decide to call someone a friend, you have to like them don’t you? At this point, please realize that it is way past lines of gender.

AAAAAAND that’s just me thinking. Out loud. On a virtual platform.

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