I think one possibly know much about me from reading this platform then having me sitting across them in real life. Because getting me to continue talking is a chore. A tough chore and since it’s tough already many don’t attempt, they take what I give but those who can, I actually am always clinging in time the worst negative thought that one day they will all get sick and tired of doing this chore and back away. Why can’t I make it less of a chore? I don’t really know. I guess this is, my life filled with double standards.
Like how I can be fashionably late and expect others not to.
Like how I think me keeping quiet is acceptable but others doing it may seem emo and fake.
Like how sometimes even I chew sweets with the noise I hated so much, but I don’t feel myself as a disgusting individual.
But any way I started this post as I am reminded of a conversation I had with Too. She told me to tell people I lost it. Not my sanity, but the feelings I thought I supposedly held. Other than people I know she meant more of some certain individuals. That, my mind is cleared and no more lugging with me that burdensome affection. So I thought why not I put this here and you see it when you see it. Or never see it. But that will be sad for my part because I did this.
But because speaking to people about something they didn’t ask about it just wrong for me. I am scared that, they might not care for what I want to tell them and that will mean I care for them on my part enough to tell them things but they don’t. And I get really upset about my life then. And I want remain neutral to them. And that’s bad.
But yes. I think it faded. I am glad he left me alone because when I am alone I think, and when I think, I am at my strongest. Away are the emotions of the past and here is the cleared abyss of a mind.
Another reason for not saying it is that, I felt that I am being mean doing this. I have no idea what either.
I prolly deliberately set this to be posted at some ungodly hours. Not something so publishable.